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My Childrens father and I were broke up for several months, before I found out what he did to my three and four year old children. He was the last person I would have ever suspected of child abuse. I later learned that these pedophiles are masters at deceit and deception. Most of the perpetrators are quite charming and have normal sexual relations with adults. My childrens father did not seem to be interested in children.
After a routine visit with their father, My kids immediately regressed with potty training. My son went from being perfectly potty trained for two years,to having large bowel movements in his pants. My daugter went back to wetting herself.and both children were put in pull up diapers.The children's father took them to stay overnight with him at a motel. When he brought them back, they were like two totally different kids. My daughter refused to wear anything but long pants and sweaters in the middle of summer. She had gone from being kind to our pets, to kicking and smacking them. Both of my kids were afraid to be in the bathroom. They said the toilet bites.
My son had been soiling his pants for two weeks. I took him to the pediatrician. He said, " It's not physical, it's mental." He told me that I needed to take him to a psychiatrist if it continued. Two weeks had passed since the Dr's. visit and the situation didn't improve.. I finally asked my son if he remembered the visit with his dad at the motel. He said, " Why does my dad like to eat penis?" I said, "He likes to eat peanuts?" He said, "No, penis." I said, " Who's penis was he eating?" He said, " Mine, and it got hard." When he said, And it got hard; I knew without a doubt that he molested my son. I immediately reported the abuse to child line.
I thought their dad had only abused my son. Then, I took my kids to get checked at the emergency room, I figured he probably didn't molest my girl but, out of caution, I had them examine my girl too. The Dr. said she wasn't sure if the hymen was intact. Then she told me she was pretty sure it was not intact. She told me legally, even if it wasn't intact didn't mean anything in the eyes of the law. And that a broken hymen was not evidence of sexual abuse. The dr. said if she were to testify in court, she'd have to say that my daughter could have broken it from falling off a horse or bike riding. I said that was ridiculous. She was only three yrs. old and had never been on a horse. I got a copy of the medical report later. On the report it said questionable as to whether hymen is intact. Then it said my daughter had what appeared to be a diaper rash. The dr. took the cowardly way out. I saw the redness when they examined her and it didn't appear to be diaper rash.
The Dr. said that I needed to get the kids examined within a few days of the abuse. She said after a few days the evidence is gone. I didn't find out that he had abused them until a month after the abuse occured. If I knew then what I know now about the legal system, I don't know if I would have reported any suspected abuse. I'd have let the dr. or the counselors make the first abuse report.
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Our Dealings with Child Protective services and the Police
Investigation 1-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Childrens protective services interviewed my son about the abuse. They said he wouldn't answer their questions and that they didn't feel that it happened at all. They said, that he's a very talkative kid and if he had anything to say about being abused, they believed he would have said it. I took in tapes of the kids disclosing what had happened to them. I later found out from another child service worker that was a mistake. He said that when someone brings a tape in like that, they automatically think it is made up and staged. Child services accused me of being a woman that was trying to get revenge on the children's father. I didn't expect they would say it was founded since, there wasn't physical evidence but, I didn't expect that they would be so biased either. To be totally on the father's side.
Investigation 2 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------They reinterviewed both kids two months later. They said my son was talking then but, said he was not consistant in what he was saying. I was never allowed to view any of the interviews. I tried to listen through the wall. I heard the caseworker repeatedly asking my son if he was lying. The rest of what was said was hard to hear. I recommend for anyone considering letting their child be interviewed by police or CPS, let the child take an attorney in the interviews with them. If I had it to do over again, I'd have hired a lawyer for my kids right away.
Investigation 3--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My son had disclosed to his teacher the abuse his father had inflicted on him. The caseworker came down to my place to interview my son. The caseworker told me that my son didn't fit the profile of a molested child. He told me that a male penis would not be able to fit in those areas unless it was very small. He told me all kids regress their potty training. He said his two girls even regressed. He said he refused to believe it happened because, my son told him that his dad put carrotts and mashed potatoes in his rear and squeezed his pee pee. He said the stuff about the food was too bizarre to believe and said my son is typical of a child that has been told what to say. He told me laughingly that I as a mother would have known if someone had inserted vegetables into my sons anus. And, he said all of this in the presence of my son. Then he went on to tell me about how he does not get emotionally involved in his cases of suspected child abuse. I asked him if they were going to be having another formal investigation about thisreport. He said no, he didn't think so.
I have had trouble with my girl having a bowel movement ever since this happened. She gets hysterical on the toilet and absolutely will not go potty even to pee in public or strange restrooms. She will soil herself first rather than use a public toilet. She is deathly afraid to go into a toilet stall. I think their father must have molested her in a restroom. My son has disclosed more to my mother that his dad had my son perform oral sex on him while he was on the toilet. This explains my kids total fear of the toilet. Both of my kids have told me that the toilet bites. The kids have divulged this information in bits and peices over a period of several months. The more time that goes by, the more the kids tell about the horrible things he did.
The kids father said he would fight tooth and nail to be able to see the kids. There was no custody order when this was found out. I offered that he could have supervised visits at my mom's. He refused and said he'd see me in court. I think that most of these molesters will go to any length to have unsupervised access to the kids. A person would think that if someone were accused of molesting their children that the parent who has been accused would be leery of putting himself in a position of visiting and risk getting reported again. A normal and innocent parent probably would back off. But, the pedofile father does the opposite demanding unsupervised visits.
We did have the custody hearing and the father was granted unsupervised visitation every other saturday for six hours. I was thankful that there were no overnight visits. But, I was still fearful of what he could do in that time period. I talked with an expensive attorney after I got the custody order. She said that CPS only founds cases of child sexual abuse when a dr. says it happened or if there is physical evidence.
I have never heard of anyone receiving good results from reporting child abuse to child services. The case workers are under educated and poorly trained. I doubt if they would ever do anything without the physical evidence. I am single and live alone with my kids. I can almost guarantee that if I had a man living here, he would be under investigation and they would have a reason to remove the kids from my home. They had been trying to find out if I had a boyfriend, etc. They came down to my house, inspected the place and asked if I was sure no man was living with me. I told them no and he kept insisting that did have a man there. I told him he could go to everyone of my neighbors houses and ask if I have any man here. He said, "nevermind." I am trying to protect my kids but, I have been viewed as a guilty liar by child services. The caseworker at cps told me the more my son tells this, the more it is disbelieved by their agency. In other words, "keep your kid quiet since we have no intention of ever helping him.
(November 17, 01, 1st visit)------------------------------------------------------------
Since my kids had started visiting their dad again, they both regressed toilet training again. My son had been going to the toilet normally for two months, till the visits started again. The father has shown no concern about the kids and doesn't mention the abuse or the bowel movements in the pants. It's business as usual for him. He pretends as if he was never reported for this and pretends to be caring father. He lacks any empathy or compassion for his kids. The only person he has empathy for is himself.
(December 01, 3rd Investigation)--------------------------------------------------
I believe he did hurt the kids the 1st time he visited them. I took my children to a major hospital and my son did tell them what his dad did to him. It was enough for the hospital to report it and open up another investigation. They were not able to say that he had definitely abused them but, they were suspicious enough to report it. The hospital also told me that I was required to report it to child protective services each time the children made a new disclosure about their abuse. I would have to disagree with this advise. I have recently been reported for too many child abuse reports being made. I recommend that the protective parent make all reports anonymously for their own protection.
(January 2002) UNFOUNDED), as usual. --------------------------------------------
Child services is a total joke and a farce.
Investigation 4----------------------------------------------------------------------------
February 2002 two more reports from two different counselors. This appears to be another unfounded investigation. Wow, what a shock. Professional people report this and child services unfounds it as usual.
I've been getting fed up with this. I've started mailing senators and congressmen about the child services. I received their responses stating that the child protective services are doing their job and if I have a problem that I should seek a custody modification.
Investigations 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10----------------------------------------------------
All of the above investigations were unfounded. These were all reported by the children's counselors. The children's father has not been visiting since January 2002. He refuses to visit because I have brought in home counselors into this. They will be involved several months. They could go along with him on his regular visits with the kids and he does not want to be observed with them. He is going against his own attornies advice by not visiting the kids. He does not want any type of supervision at all. His refusal to visit is a blessing from God. These in home counselors visit several times a week. I thank God that I was able to get them involved. The counselors involvement is the only thing that is keeping the father away. The children have been steadily improving as the father remains absent.
October 2002 update--------------------------------------------------------------------
The child services finished their investigation on me for emotional child abuse. It was unfounded.They tried to force me to submit myself and my children to psychological evaluations. I declined their demand. The only thing child services is good at is pushing people around and pretending to be concerned about the children. I feel that this report was generated by the childrens father as a last ditch effort to gain sole custody of the kids so he could abuse them at will. Since it has gone on this long and been unfounded, I feel that it will never be substantiated. The father continues to remain absent from the childrens lives. The children continue to heal and grow and are happy again. I thank God for answering our prayers.
February 1, 2004 update-------------------------------------------------------------
Praise God, we have never heard from the father since January, 2002. This would not have been possible without praying.
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